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| The 3rd Agreement [Don´t make Assumptions] |
Don’t Make Assumptions........
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with
others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one
agreement, you can completely transform your life.
We have our tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making
assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.
Whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we
misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.
The whole world of control between humans is about making assumptions and taking things
personally.
Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions, and we believe we are
right about the assumptions; then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else
wrong. It is always better to ask questions than to make an assumption, because assumptions
set us up for suffering.
It is always better to ask questions than to make an assumption. In any kind of relationship we
can make the assumption that others know what we think, and we don’t have to say what we
want. They are going to do what we want because they know us so well. If they don’t do what
we want, what we assume they should do, we feel hurt. A whole drama is created because we
make this assumption and then put more assumptions on top of it.
The human mind needs to justify everything, to explain and understand everything, in order to
feel safe. We have millions of questions that need answers because there are so many things
that the reasoning mind can’t explain. It is not important if the answer is correct; just the
answer itself makes us feel safe. This is why we make assumptions.
Even if we hear something and we don’t understand, we make assumptions about what it
means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t
have the courage to ask questions.
These assumptions are made so fast and unconsciously most of the time because we have
agreements to communicate this way. We have agreed that it is not safe to ask questions; we
have agreed that if people love us, they should know what we want or how we feel. When we
believe something, we assume we are right about it to the point that we will destroy
relationships in order to defend our positions.
We make the assumption that everyone sees life he way we do. We assume that others think
the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse.
This is the biggest assumption that humans make.
We also make assumptions about ourselves, and this creates a lot of inner conflict.
Just imagine the day you stop making assumptions with your partner and eventually with
everyone else in your life. Your way of communicating will change completely, and your
relationships will no longer suffer from conflicts by mistaken assumptions.
The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions. Make sure the
communication is clear. Have the courage to ask the questions until you are clear as you can be,
and then do not assume you know all there is to know about a given situation. Once you hear
the answer, you will not have to make assumptions because you will know the truth.
Without making assumptions your word becomes impeccable.
With clear communications, all your relationships will change
Becoming aware of these habits and understanding the importance of this agreement is the
first step. What will really make a difference is action. After many repetitions these new
agreements will become second nature.
By making this one agreement a habit, your whole life will be completely transformed
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| Back to [The Apotheosis] |
[The Four Agreements ]
